Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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