I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
we're making bets on your personal life
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
