Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
