Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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