So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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