The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
