I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
