Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
