oh fat girl friday strikes again...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
