a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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