We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
