I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
