I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Sober January is a disaster.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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