I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
