Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
