i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
