We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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