I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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