your parents love me but you hate me
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
