Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
