Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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