thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
