Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
