I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
