you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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