My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
