yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
