Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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