Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
