My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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