Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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