I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Dick very happy bro
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
