Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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