I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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