Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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