Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
