I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
