You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Randomize
