dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
