I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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