I met the friendliest cop last night
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
