Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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