We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
