My first STD was from a foam party
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
