Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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