My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
