Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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