no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
