HIV tests are more positive than that guy
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
