Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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