i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
