Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
