Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
